Tell me a joke
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Despot
- Posts: 1114
- Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:36 pm
- Location: Heading to your neck of the woods, after several bearsize portions of Vindaloo.
Re: Tell me a joke
Man goes into a pub, and there's a duck sitting at the bar with a pint. As he sits down, the duck looks at him and says hi.
The bloke is amazed at this, and goes "wow! That's amazing. You should get a job at the circus."
The duck looks puzzled, and says "Why would they want me?"
The bloke says, "well, with your talent, you'd make a fortune."
Duck says "Can't see why they would want me. Circus - that's the place in a big tent right?"
Guy nods at him. Duck says "They definately wouldn't want me then mate, I'm a plasterer"
The bloke is amazed at this, and goes "wow! That's amazing. You should get a job at the circus."
The duck looks puzzled, and says "Why would they want me?"
The bloke says, "well, with your talent, you'd make a fortune."
Duck says "Can't see why they would want me. Circus - that's the place in a big tent right?"
Guy nods at him. Duck says "They definately wouldn't want me then mate, I'm a plasterer"
O hai! Ur planets? I eated dem.
Re: Tell me a joke
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Re: Tell me a joke
jokes only scottish will get or maybe if ya from uk
A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn'
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'
3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scottish, are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie. The Irish guy says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish. The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity". Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England. The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. "The Genie explains "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out." The Scot says, "Ach, fill it up with water."
Said the Englishman to the boastful Scot: ‘Take away your mountains, glens and lochs, and what have you got?’ ‘England,’ replied the Scot.
Why are they putting Englishmen at the bottom of the ocean?
They found out that deep down, they’re really not so bad.
Then there were two Scots who bet a pound on who could stay under water the longest. They’ both drowned
A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn'
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'
3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scottish, are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie. The Irish guy says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish. The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity". Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England. The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. "The Genie explains "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out." The Scot says, "Ach, fill it up with water."
Said the Englishman to the boastful Scot: ‘Take away your mountains, glens and lochs, and what have you got?’ ‘England,’ replied the Scot.
Why are they putting Englishmen at the bottom of the ocean?
They found out that deep down, they’re really not so bad.
Then there were two Scots who bet a pound on who could stay under water the longest. They’ both drowned
Re: Tell me a joke
Parvez, a middle-aged Pakistani tourist on his first visit to Mumbai, finds the red-light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams: "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Archna, will do. Archna has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Parvez. TheY sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams: "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
The madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson. So she goes over to Parvez and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink, and then she sits in his lap.
Parvez leans forwards and whispers in her ear: "Can I pay in Pakistani currency?"
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams: "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Archna, will do. Archna has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Parvez. TheY sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams: "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
The madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson. So she goes over to Parvez and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink, and then she sits in his lap.
Parvez leans forwards and whispers in her ear: "Can I pay in Pakistani currency?"
Ya i'm an American, and im proud of it!
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Despot
- Posts: 1114
- Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:36 pm
- Location: Heading to your neck of the woods, after several bearsize portions of Vindaloo.
Re: Tell me a joke
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks them up and down, and says "What's this? Some kind of joke?"
O hai! Ur planets? I eated dem.
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Killerbuck
- Posts: 283
- Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 11:14 pm
Re: Tell me a joke
ha ha ha hhah ah hahhahhahhahhahStarbattle.org
Better than SERIOS
Join use my referal link posted in general chat. Under Last post wins!!
Then join my alliance there!
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Better than SERIOS
Join use my referal link posted in general chat. Under Last post wins!!
Then join my alliance there!
Thanks